He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
