Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
