I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize