either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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