How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this will be a night to untag.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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