You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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