It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
