I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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