hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
