i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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