I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
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it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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