is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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