This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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