If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
