physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
