ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
