For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
