If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
