Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
