oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
