I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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