one word: firstdatebathroomanal
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
