Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
