just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
