I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
