i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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