good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
