i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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