I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
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Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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