so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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