im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
