Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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