Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
