my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
