I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
