where am i from again
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
