Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
