The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
