my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
