Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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