no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
where are you?
Hypothermia
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
