if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
