It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
