I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
