Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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