Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
