Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
