Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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