I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So much rum. So many feels.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
