I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
