My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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