A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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