she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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