so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
