Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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