this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
