Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
