You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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