I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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