Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
