i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
