I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
