I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
