I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
