I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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