respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
