Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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